Written by: Vickie Sullivan | August 15, 2019
How to Bring Up Confrontational Observations
The value that many of us offers is our ability to bring to the fore tough but necessary observations. Fair enough. But if we come through the door blazin’, we face a wall of resistance that can shut down any discussion.
So, how can we address the elephant in the room without getting thrown out of said room? My vote: Create a side door in public that makes it OK to approach the subject in private. Here are my two favorite tactics to communicate the truth without triggering resistance.
• Apply the issue to a nameless “someone else.” This technique works great when folks (mainly leaders) need to appear strong or “right” in front of their peers. Instead to saying, “You are doing (enter bad thing here),” apply this dynamic to the team. Language that connotates a heads-up such as “watch out for…” or “be ready for…” is a great opening about possible practices that can be built on in private conversations.
Listen: How Do You Know Your Truth Is Too Early? When These Two Things Happen.
• Make it a temptation. This idea works when denial is very strong. Many times I’ll tell clients to say something like this: “It’s tempting to (enter bad decision or behavior here).” This introduction doesn’t accuse, but it allows folks to internally recognize their role if they have faced that situation. Again, it opens the door for private conversations.
The biggest barrier here is the environment. Some things are too confrontational for an outsider – who has an escape route – to directly bring up and then leave the fallout to those left behind. Folks need to discuss issues in a way that won’t create political consequences later.
So, ask yourself: Where are my entry points – those side doors – that make the elephants in the room safe enough to explore? Use those, and watch how richer your conversations can be.
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